I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who died my cat blue again?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
