We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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