He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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