took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You need Xanax blowdarts
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
