What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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