hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
