I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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