And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
