You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize