Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
