i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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