Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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