oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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