In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
