she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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