my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
