Barsexuality is the new black.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
