If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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