Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
