If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
