I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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