You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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