I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, I just burned my penis
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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