I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
