whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
