There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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