Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
