i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
