Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
