I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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