Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
