great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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