just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
