Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
