i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want a musical about memes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
