dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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