The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
