I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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