So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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