i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
