who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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