My room smells like vodka and shame
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
