i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
