You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
