I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
