even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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