In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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