Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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