We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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