So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
