yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We have started to decorate penises.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
