Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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