i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
