I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
