dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
