I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
