Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
