so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
