those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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