Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
