why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
