hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
