woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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