Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
